Thank You Sanctus Real!

I think I'm not alone in wondering why a good God would allow such pain and suffering in the world, right? Why do children starve to death? Or innocent people die while the heartless go on living? Why do tattered hearts get broken as the ones we love the most let us down?

Well, I certainly don't profess to know the mind of God, but I think at least some of the answers to these questions can be summed up in a line from a Sanctus Real song: "the way we're hurting keeps us turning to You."

When we're weary and broken, we can't depend on our own strength, and this is when we turn most fully to God. At first glance, it seems selfish of Him to cause us pain so that we'll depend on Him, but I don't think it is. When we remember that God is our Father, it makes sense that He would only give us what's good for us. When we're begging for something that we want, something that seems good, He's quietly saying that He knows what He's doing and that He has something even better planned. If we can just learn to step back from all the world's problems, we'll see that in the end, our relationship with God is the ONLY thing that matters. So if it means going through pain for a short time, so be it. Turn to God, for He knows what He's doing, He can see the big picture when we can't, and He is always, only working for our good.

Surrender

Today was a very stressful day- for no reason that I could see. And I think that sometimes, God uses that to tell me to get away and spend some time with Him. So I took a walk tonight, and somewhere amidst the trees drying in the almost-warm breeze and the crying of my soul, I became still and listened instead of talked.

In the book of Matthew, Jesus tells us that if we want to find true life, we have to be willing to give up our lives for His sake. I've never had a problem with surrendering material things or worldly possessions, and I have no qualms about going anywhere or doing anything that God so desires. But tonight, in His quietly undeniable way, God reminded me that there is something I continue to hold on to- much as I hate to admit it. Though I truly desire to follow Him, I also desire a husband (or someone who will be my husband eventually). Someone who will be there to teach me and learn from me, someone I can depend on to protect and care for me.

But tonight, God really broke me down. It was like He was saying aren't I good enough? and haven't I told you I'm all you'll ever need? My "yes, but..."s were drowned out by the verse in 2 Corinthians: "My grace is sufficient for you..." Sufficient meaning all I need. Or will ever need. I don't need another person to make me feel complete because God has filled the void in my life. I don't need the acceptance or even love of others because He loves me more than anyone else ever could. And, most of all, I need to give God my desire for a husband so that I can find that my true life and significance lie only in the love of Christ.

Elisabeth Elliot, in Passion and Purity, points out that "if the yearnings went away, what would we have to offer up to the Lord? Are not they given to us to offer?" Desiring a husband, in itself, is not a bad thing- God created us for relationships! But holding onto that desire is what causes a rift in my relationship with God. I'm learning (slowly but surely) to trust in Him with all my heart in the matters of my heart and let Him be all I need until He decides to bring the right person into my life.

Life Lessons

Today, while helping a family from church move out of their old house, I got assigned the job of packing up the teenage daughter's room, and I learned more than I ever imagined. Even though we've gone to the same church for quite a while now, I'd never payed much attention to this quiet, sweet, young girl, but I think I learned a lot about her (and maybe all of humanity) in the few hours I was there.

I know this must sound pretty idiotic of me, but until today, it had never really occurred to me that this girl would have dreams and fears, talents and ideas all her own, and a million other tiny things that make up a life. But going through tons of pictures, birthday cards, cd's, and keepsakes, I was hit with a startling truth: this girl had an entire life apart from what I knew about on Sunday mornings and past youth meetings.

When I thought about the billions and billions of people in the world, so much like, and yet so different from this girl, I was overwhelmed by the sheer vastness of it all (and was asked several times if I was alright!) and I still don't think I can comprehend it. It blows my mind to think about all the people in the world, and it breaks my heart to know that so many of them are desperately searching for anything to fill the void they find in themselves.

Anyway, these thoughts have left me quietly grateful for a much-grumbled-about 8 am moving day experience and the call God has placed in my heart to counsel His hurting children.

Happiness

"This is what the LORD says:

'Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength, and whose heart turns away from the LORD. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives.

'But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought, and never fails to bear fruit.'"

We had to memorize this verse for an Old Testament class last semester, and although I recited it probably a hundred times, tried to think of hand motions to accompany it, and eventually made it into a song (what? It has a natural rhythm!), I'm not sure I ever internalized it, or even thought about it's application to my life. Not, that is, until I woke up with it stuck in my head for quite a few days in a row.

You know that saying about something hitting you 'like a ton of bricks'? Personally, I've always thought that was kind of dumb... but that's exactly how this was! After having this verse rattling around in my head for a couple days, I found a quiet place to stop and think about what it could mean in my life and the revelation almost had a physical force to it!

I think I've mentioned my love for people before, but if not, just so you (the reader) know, I LOVE people. I mean it. Really. I love to be involved in their lives and to help out whenever I can, and just to listen to their thoughts or problems. The problem is, I think I tend to make them the source of my joy, and that place belongs to God alone. Rather than find my happiness in the people around me, I need to remember God's promise that He really is all I need. I think this is hard because people are tangible, you can touch them, see the expression on their faces- things that are different from the way God is. But that's why we're people, and He's God. And He never promises it will be easy...

Love

The subject of my thoughts tonight is this quote by author C.S. Lewis:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken..."

To truly love a person is to take a chance on them, to give them your heart and trust they'll keep it safe. It's to let them inside and allow them to change you. And no matter how small the change, it means that from that point on, they will forever be a part of who you are. To love is to give away a part of yourself, expecting a part of another in return, and while sometimes this happens, often it does not.

I have a tendency to jump into relationships with both feet- to love wholeheartedly and without restraint. And though this usually a good thing for the people I love, it's not always so wonderful for me. It often results in one-sided relationships and hurt feelings. But a friend recently reminded me that it's often the pain in our lives that teaches us the most important lessons and this is definitely a big one for me. I'm slowly, slowly learning to be more cautious in my friendships and not expect everyone to return my love with the intensity that I give it. And I'm hearing, once again, the clarity of truth in a different (but also very wise) friend's saying: that in this life, balance is key.

An Ordinary Day?

Well, my initial reaction to the events of today was that it was nothing special- altogether ordinary. Just another tackle the mountain of laundry in my room, don't forget to do the dishes, day. But then I got to thinking about what, exactly, we call an 'ordinary' day and the irony made me laugh.

I mean, think about it: right now, we're sitting on a hunk of rock that's flying around a ball of fire at more than 65 thousand miles an hour! In this very second, more than 100 billion cells in your brain are making thought possible, and your heart will have pumped some 1800 gallons of blood before you fall asleep tonight! Right now, more than three million different types of animals are going about their business on earth, and if you multiply that by two thousand, you'll have something close to the number of people. And yet, life is so fragile. If one chemical in the atmosphere were missing, or one amino acid from our bodies, or we were any closer or farther from the sun, there would be no life.

Everything is perfectly designed to make life as we know it possible, and we are just one tiny part of an incredibly fragile creation made expressly to glorify the Creator. So, next time you think you're waking up to just an 'ordinary day', think again!